Leeza on Acid

I just watched America’s Top Model, I only meant to watch a few minutes, but then I couldn’t stop. I think this season might be better than the last. The girls seem younger and therefore more pathetic and foolish. There were already two crying fits in the first episode. I have to wonder though, how can reality tv shows get away with always using the same stupid formula? Why always the little notes telling them they have to wake up at 5 am? I must say one of the most brilliant things about Paradise Hotel was that these simple formulas somehow became magical, simply because the contestants couldn’t always read aloud very well and were mostly psychopaths.

One of the highlights of tonight's America’s Top Model was when one girl’s morals were put under fire. The girl from Georgia, who is a wife and mother and also the designated plus size model (meaning over a size 6-- the heffer) refused to pose as “eve” wearing only body paint next to an “adam” who was totally naked. She freaked out and cried and said, “look at those girls, they’ve got their crotches right there, next to that guy’s face. That’s for my husband! If I do this then how is it…special?” It doesn’t sound like it, but it was actually sincere and innocent. She got booted off immediately, but not until Tyra Banks got a chance to tell that world the she “loves plus size, just loves it!”. I know what she means, some of my best friends are plus sizes. I just think that’s so great, you know, if you’re one of those.

The Simple Life post-show interview special was the stupidest thing on television. It was hosted by Leeza Gibbens! The lamest possible person in the universe. The whole thing was cheesy and completely pointless and I wouldn’t have been able to watch it if I hadn’t multi-tasked with a game of Trivial Pursuit.

I think I was once a guest on a live taping of the show Leeza, although I might be getting her confused with someone else. Lea was there. It was one of those times when your mom does something so stupid and embarrassing it’s hard to even believe. For one thing she was wearing a big weird scarf tied onto a bun in her hair. The topic of the show was women who are endangered by their ex-husbands or ex-boyfriends. A woman was up on the stage whose ex-boyfriend plotted to throw acid on her face to scar her for life. My mom stood up and said to this woman, “I think he must have really loved you to be driven to do this.” Leeza herself had to tell my mom how wrong she was. Yeah, way to set a positive example mom, I hope someday someone loves me enough to show it with acid.