I'm addicted to television

I just walked into the other room, on tv there was a man with a shaved head wearing big spikey armor on his sholders, like he was from the dark ages. He was dancing around to cheezy electronic music, juggiling chainsaws while red lights bounced across the stage. I was in awe, what station could this be? Is this what The Spike network has to offer? Then the announcer came back and it turned out it was the Spanish channel. Then they showed an ad for a variety show that included midgets getting married, just like an old time freak show. The wonder never ends.