March 22, 2004

Hey Ladies

I had the greatest weekend, so great that my phone is still recovering from the battery loss. Saturday night I was channeling the spirit of my fantasy lady companions and it was fucking amazing. I tell you they are having more fun than anyone and I’ve come to realize that above all else it is a state of mind.
Fantasy Ladies are all about
1. Craziness
2. Powerfulness
3. Hotness
All of these elements are best summed up by their penchant for
Gold Accessories.

It was like having the cool girls let you into their clique; in fact I have the slight fear that I might get tricked into murdering someone in the near future--and it might just be worth it.

It was Sarah’s birthday and I met the girls at a very crowded bar on the LES. There were others there, but they all melted into the background while I was in the presence of The Ladies. The three of them welcomed me into their arms with much gushing and enthusiasm. There were repeated shouts of “Look at you, you're hot! Lady, You Are So Fucking Hot!” as they hugged me tightly and kissed my cheeks. I have to admit, it was kind of a turn on.

There was Nichole with her trademark lightening bolt-gold hair, a heart-shaped locket shining out from her tan cleavage and, best of all, cowboy boots. Amber had on an awesome shirt with puffy sleeves, a high collar, and peek-a-boo stripes of tulle running across it. It was very Miss Lily Bart from The House of Mirth. This was paired with gold hoops and an awesome handbag that featured a fancy hinged closure. Sarah, the birthday girl, was wearing a turquoise Greek goddess shirt that matched her eyes and was made of something billowy and silky.

I had just rolled out of bed and devoted most of my preening time to getting the pillow marks out of my face. Luckily I came to realize that the groggy, just woke up look is very fantasy lady. I didn’t take time to accessorize though and I was coveting the other girl’s gold ornamentation. I was wearing a sparkly blue shirt with raggy edges that I made myself, blush (my new fav. cosmetic, because it automatically ups the whoreishness of your look everytime), lots of black eyeliner, and Big Hair.

I drank vodka tonics while being let in on many fantastical secrets. We lounged back on the couches while the boys swarmed around, and then huddled into the bathroom together. I was sorry to break with the comradey, but I’m pee shy so I had to make everyone leave while I went.
Around 2:00 Nichole hissed in my ear, “what’s your plan tonight?” I of course had no other plans.
“You’re coming with me then, ok?” Entranced, I nodded yes. We gathered forces and shoved our way through the crowd.

Outside Amber said goodbye to the fireman she will soon be fucking. Nichole gave me one of her Lucky Strikes which I promptly dropped in a puddle, she tsked-tsked and handed me a fresh one. We stumbled down the street screaming about how hot it was that Amber was going to be getting with a fireman. We saw two seconds of a band at another bar, then charged into the Margaritas to-go place.

It was under the bright lights of this establishment that I noticed Amber’s French manicure. Turns out that ever since she got back from Viet Nam she’s been getting manicures to keep up her Vietnamese. I immediately made her promise to bring me next time she goes. I have wanted a French manicure ever since I was 8 when they showed that Lee Press-On’s commercial every five minutes.

We ended up gathering the boys and going to another bar. It happened to be the very same bar where I had the final and most annoying night with the coke-head freak. I am happy to report that this Saturday the place was purged of all bad associations: Drinks were bought for me, I made out (on the same benches where I decided never to speak to the coke-head freak again), and promptly left to have sex. I admit, if he hadn’t lived around the block I wouldn’t have done it (it was 5am after all) but it was all very worth it. On my way out the door I was lauded with cheers from my ladies. “Woooo, you go girl! Go get laid, aw yeah!” They yelled after me as I was whisked off into the night. It was absolutely golden.

Posted by on March 22, 2004 11:42 PM

Oh, grow up.

Posted by: anon on March 26, 2004 12:43 PM

i have started wearing a large gold choker. i think it is v grownup.

Posted by: bmad on March 26, 2004 3:36 PM
Post a comment

Remember personal info?