January 28, 2004


So Not A Champion

Last night I saw this new Pepsi ad with Britney Spears, Pink, and Beyonce (Beyonce! we thought you were better than this). It involved the three of them as Roman gladiators singing We Are The Champions by Queen. I’m beginning to hate Britney again. There really is such thing as over-saturating the market.

I’ve decided that she is tragic, but in a safe way. She’s a reincarnation of Marilyn Monroe, but in this day in age fame has gotten to be this big machine that is more extreme and far reaching, but also highly controlled. Marilyn has been reincarnated 1000x over by now, so I guess Britney is just a jaded, played out version of her.

Sure she’s probably a coke head and a total wreck, but there’s no danger that she'll committing suicide alone in a hotel room. She’s protected by her status as a cliché—only B-list celebrities like Jonathan Brandis have unexpected deaths anymore.

I’ve been thinking about her book, A Mother's Gift, the fictional one by her and her mom. Random House paid $1 million for it and inside info is that they got burned. Supposedly because Britney didn’t bother marketing it at all. The thing just tanked. Really though, I don’t think it was Britney’s fault, I mean she wasn't the one who wrote it, and besides Fiction!?! Worst of all they totally played up the good girl angle, which is so not the point of her. Britney is a publicity whore; she’d shill hemorrhoid cream if you paid her enough. The whole point of Britney Spears is that she is exploited and surrounded by scandal and is totally corrupted. This is the reason she is rich and famous, not for looking cute and singing like a robotic Care Bear.

Even the little girls realize this to an extent. I know it probably sounds trite, but I think the best comparison is Barbie. As a kid I loved Barbie, but I never bought into the frilly wholesomeness that Mattel tries to pass off to parents. The whole point was that underneath all that pink and cuteness Barbie was stacked. Why else would every Barbie game deteriorate into her and Ken making it in the back of the 57 Chevy? This is why they make a Doctor Barbie and not a Nursing Home Attendent Barbie.

I’m not saying Britney’s book should have been about sex, that would have been really sick, I’m saying the book never should have been written and Random House never should have paid $1 million for it. Britney was never meant to promote literacy or hemorrhoid creams, and just because she’s willing doesn’t mean she should.

Posted by on January 28, 2004 4:32 PM